Difficult Conversations - University of Hawaii：困难的对话-夏威夷大学.ppt

A difficult conversation is - anything we don ’ t want to talk about Usually we worry what will happen if we do talk about it If we do talk about it, we usually think and feel a lot more than what we actually say. A difficult conversation is made challenging by one or more of the following: ? Conflict ? Fear, anger, or frustration ? Anxiety, procrastination ? Disagreement ? Misunderstanding The key idea: shift to a Learning Conversation In a Learning Conversation, instead of wanting to win and get your way, 1. You want to understand what has happened from the other person ’ point of view, 2. Explain your point of view, 3. [Share / understand feelings,] 4. Figure out how to go forward Mistake #1: We believe - we are right, and “ they ” are wrong. Mistake #2: We don't ask enough questions. Mistake #3: We start off wrong. Should start from the 3 rd side. Mistakes It takes a willingness to see and acknowledge your own contribution to your difficult conversations The ‘ What Happened ’ conversation is usually focused on Truth Intent Blame 1. The truth assumption –“I’ m right. You ’ re wrong. ” 2. The “ intention invention ” - we think we “ know ” the other ’ s intention; we assume they have bad intentions (and ours is good) 3. The “ blame ” game – We spend time trying to establish ‘ blame ’ or ‘ fault ’ which only creates anger, defensiveness, and frustration. Shift “ What Happened ”? From “ the truth ” perceptions ? What ’ s my story? What ’ s their story? ? From intentions impact ? What assumptions am I making about their intentions? What is the impact on me? ? From blame contribution ? What have we each contributed to this situation? How can we fix things going forward?